The winter winds howl fiercely this night. Old windows creaking every time the wind blew. It sounds as if the gods themselves are crying on my behalf. I sit here…all alone in my room. Nothing to comfort me but the shards left from my once whole heart. I keep trying to decide what to do with the pieces, I’m far too tried to try again. It’s a never ending battle with heartache. I try over and over again in this life but it always ends in the same way. I’m always left behind with nothing but pain and a worsening heartache. For once in my life I had finally found something good. A gentle hand and a warm embrace. A kind man who took the time to help mend my still aching wounds and let my scars finally fade. That is until now. He’s left me now too. Afraid of hurting me anymore than I’ve already been hurt in my life. With his finally goodbye I felt my skin rip as the old scars revealed themselves yet again becoming wounds to never heal. This time however, what was left of my fragile heart is now shattered and never to be whole again.

I still remember vividly the way you hold me close to you at night. When I’d try to roll away, you would intertwine your fingers with mine so that we wouldn’t be apart. I still remember your warmth and the rhythm of your beating heart, It was strong like you. I still remember your breathing, very soft and gentle. I remember your smell, I sometimes find myself wrapped up in your scent even though you aren’t around. I remember your smiles, all of them. The one you have when nervous. The one you have when happy or excited. The one you have when embarrassed. The one you have when you lie. The one you have when sad.I especially remember the one that is just for me and only me. The one that is forever mine and for no one else.

Most nights I wish to never wake, just sleep on forever. When I dream it’s of you. It’s of the precious moments I spent by your side. They feel so very real to me. I’m lying there next to you staring into your eyes running my fingers through your soft hair as you smile gently at me before I kiss your lips. Bathed in your familiar scent. We spend all day together until we fall fall asleep in each others arms. Every time I have these dreams I awake crying silently to myself with a pain in my chest. I look to see my hands no longer holding you but a thin black sweat jacket that you once wore. It’s now nothing more than an empty shell. And I’m left drowning in these memories of you.